A new season. A new phase. A new beginning.

It is definitely not easy.

It is definitely against my own flesh and desires.

But God, where you lead I will follow.

I will only take directions from you.

And I know you will prepare the way and the hearts that are so dear to me.

Thank you, the few out there that prayed alongside with me.

The few that knows me inside out and knows full well my intentions.

Those are my 24/7 prayer warriors whenever I needed them.

I lost my drive to blog.

I guess I need a new space, a new avenue to start a new chapter.

It will definitely be one filled with my adventures with God.

And the places he will bring me to.

I am excited. I am finding my purpose.

Are you on your way to find yours too?

It's about time.

If not now, then when?

A accumulations of events and the latest incident built up a barrier between me and you.

I have been trying my best to talk to you nicely.

Dont mind letting you know the things on my mind.

or maybe things happening in my life.

But i detest the way you talk to me.

Now you created a phobia in me.

I am afraid to let you know things. Because you might just snap at me again.

I really don't know how to talk to you like before.

The worst thing is there IS a need for us to talk every now and then.

I guess only God can talk away this wall.

This wall of exasperation, fear of communicating with you.

EDITED

Immediately after the wave of emotion and the above entry.

I went to check my email.

Received today's devotion- FORGIVE!

MARK 11:25-26 NKJ25

"And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven mayalso forgive you your trespasses.

26 "But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father inheaven forgive your trespasses." You must forgive others.

No matter what they have done.

It is the command of God. But it was given for our benefit.

To not forgive hurts you.

Refusing to forgive is likes wallowing poison daily.

It will destroy you. Jesus said we should forgive when we stand praying.

So we don't have to wait until people apologize.

Nor does forgiveness require a long time.

Forgiveness is not a feeling. It is a decision to quit holding something against someone.

When we forgive people we must release them and forget it.

You may think it is impossible to forgive someone who has deeply wronged you.

With God it is possible.

He never asks us to do something we cannot do.

LUKE 6:35-38 NKJ35

"But love your enemies, do good, and lend, hoping fornothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you willbe sons of the Highest. For He is kind to the unthankful andevil.

36 "Therefore be merciful, just as your Father also ismerciful.

37 "Judge not, and you shall not be judged. Condemn not, andyou shall not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.

38 "Give, and it will be given to you: good measure, presseddown, shaken together, and running over will be put into yourbosom. For with the same measure that you use, it will bemeasured back to you."

It is not optional. If we desire God's blessing and fellowship-- we must forgive others as He forgave us.

wow, God... you left me speechless.

I mean the word came instantly after I vented my fustrations.

After expressing how difficult it is to talk to that person again.

It is not an option whether or not to forgive.

It is a commandment.

I still need you to help me cross that river of emotions.

While packing my closet, I realised I have a LOT of clothes.

Think i should give away or sell those I am not wearing anymore.

But to a girl, clothes and BAGS are never enough.

Boys you really have to understand.

HAHAH

Online shopping is EVILL.

Temptations in EVERY SHOP.

Things I just bought recently

Vintage watch for 5 buckaroos. Thrifted by carol and I! (:

wa buying cheap stuff makes me happy. ( but doesn't make me a cheapo ok? )

forever 21- ribbon shorts

Satin blazor- been looking for one for AGES. finally got hold of one with a nice fit! (: HAPPY!

Sequin, chiffon vest. SUPERBLY in love with this one. and its duper cheap too!



Butterfly slouchy top! (:

Things I want to buy!

goshhh.
Vintage bag! (:

I know i have a million bags already, but its never enough!

You know how every outfit needs a different bag?

Now, I am having a hard time deciding between this 2!
OR maybe I should get BOTH.
MUAHAHAHHA


White tank top. deciding whether to get this one cause it seems quite short.

Black dinner dress (:

I love the cut and the flow of it!

AHHH I need some self control.

At the rate I continue shopping, I will be surviving on cup noodles all day.

Doesn't help when there's a GAZILLION 21st bdaes, mothers' day, tioman trip.

Dear God...

Help me get more good lobangs ok?

WOOOOWEEEEEEEEEEEEWOOOOOOOOO

JUST ONE MOREEEEE! (: (:

cant believe the ordeal is ALMOST OVER.

But when i find it so tough studying, I keep telling myself studying is better than suffering in hell.

HAHA

yea i know its a weird way of comparing but it really wakes me up and stop me from complaining.

ANYWAYS

As I was packing my room, I stopped at a old box of letters.

Love letters, christmas letters, birthday cards, letters from my dearest girl friends.

Bern and I used to write letters to each other SO MUCH.

and we would roll them up and stuff them in bubble tea straws and pass it to each other.

Lisa, Sheryl and I also wrote long love letters, confessing how much we love each other and the stupid, retarded, cant-stop-laughing moments we shared.

( Right my capee avengerrrrr? HAHA)

I remember when I was in sec four, we were super ON for band.

My whole sec life practically revolved around band, band camps, competition.

Trained and march everyday under the hot sun, finished practise at 6-7 pm everyday.

Then we would all go out to kfc, smelly and sweaty to eat. Making A LOT of noise wherever we go.

Those were the days I was ACTUALLY TANNED.

But compared to my friends, I was still the fairest.

They used to call me pink chicken. ( cause i only get pink, chicken cause I am like a BAI ZHAN JI)

super not funny?

My conductor would shout from the top floor

" PINK CHICKEN move more to your left"

" PINK CHICKEN move up two steps"

( when we were doing our formation, I am from a marching band ALVIN CHIA -.-)

Laughing and talking at the top of our lungs on the bus.

We had band camp in 2004, near Christmas.

I remembered everyone baking, giving each other cards, exchanging presents.

During the camp, we would run round the field 10 times.

sometimes 20, to gain more stamina, increase breath support.

Go out on sectional outings.

Blading from Ecp to parkway.

During band practises, clarinet and trumpet section will ALWAYS curry favor with our conductor.

HAHA fighting to be the BEST section.

( cause the loudest people are in this two sections)

As I continued reading the letters, SOO much memories passed my mind.

So many friendships I forged and hold so close to my heart.

The good times, the first time we cliched gold.

How we stood there on the field, tears flowing down our face, hearts leaping with joy.

Those four years were the BEST years of my life.

really the best years.

And no one can take those memories away.

How we laughed when we want to. cry when we want to. Sing when we want to.

Not caring what the world will think.

Steamboat sessions, late night movies, long phone calls.

My first fling.

How I miss those days.

But I guess we are have to go through different phase in our lives.

And this phase, still filled with love and laughter, is a phase where I gotta start growing up and think of my future.

HAHA if only time can stand still.

OK time to hit the books again.

SATURDAY is going to be a eventful and power-packed day!

HAHA

Waited a million years for this day.

I am still up and going till maybe 5 am?

A heavy mod tmr at 10 am!

UGH.

cannot wait for tmr!

A lil break before my last paper!

I. NEED. MY. FREEDOM. SOON.

Seriously.

I checked out one of my essay assignment results.

And I was highly disappointed.

1. I put in a WHOLE mount load of effort.

2. Stayed up like a crazy woman for a week.

3.Got a really good friend to help me edit some stuff.

And yet the result is like crap.

I was really looking forward to see how well i will fare.

But it seemed as tho my effort went down the drain.

Doesnt help when I am struggling to study for my finance paper this thursday.

The result really stopped my studying momentum.

But I decided not to wallow in self pity and continue to fight the good fight.

Things that made me smile and tear.

Chocolate from my dad

Midnight tau huay delivery from my dearest lynn tan.

A good talk with my trusty friend, vin.

GO FIGHT CHARITY!

Edited

Yet will I praise thee